Proverbs 23:19 - Meaning and Application

Here is good advice for parents to give their children. These words are meant to train them in the right way. First, young people are called to listen to the counsel of their godly parents, not only to the advice given here, but to all useful instruction: “My son, listen and be wise” (Proverbs 23:19). Taking this advice is itself a sign of wisdom, and it helps make a person wiser. Wisdom, like faith, comes by hearing.

Again, “Listen to your father who gave you life” (Proverbs 23:22). A father has both authority over a child and real affection for the child. You can be sure his aim is the child’s good. We should show respect to our earthly fathers, who brought us into the world and were the means of our life. Even more, we should obey and submit to the Father of our spirits, who made us and gave us our being.

A mother, too, gives good instruction, both from duty to God and from love for her child. So a child should not despise her, or her advice, when she is old. By then, the children are likely grown, but they should not think they are beyond being taught, even by their mother. Instead, they should respect her all the more, because many years have given her wisdom. Proud and rude young people may laugh at the advice of an aged mother and think they do not need to listen to an old woman. But they will have much to answer for, because they have not only rejected good counsel, but also slighted and hurt a good mother (Proverbs 30:17).

Second, the passage gives a reason for this duty: it will bring great joy to their parents (Proverbs 23:24, 25). Children should try to gladden the hearts of their good parents, and keep doing so more and more. Then their parents may greatly rejoice in them, even in old age, when life has lost much of its pleasure. One of the few comforts left in old age is to see children doing well, as Barzillai did when he saw Chimham honored.

Children are a joy to their parents when they are righteous and wise. Righteousness is true wisdom, because those who do right do best for themselves. A child is what he should be when he is both wise, meaning informed and teachable, and righteous, meaning honest and good. He should also be both righteous, meaning sincere and well-meaning, and wise, meaning careful and sensible in managing himself. If the children are like that, especially if all of them are, then father and mother will be glad. They will feel that nothing they have done for them was too much. They will thank God for them and take pleasure in them. In particular, the mother who bore them in pain and raised them with hardship will rejoice, and her sorrow will seem more than forgotten, because the result is a wise and good man who blesses the world into which he was born.

Third, there are some general commands of wisdom and virtue. “Guide your heart in the way” (Proverbs 23:19). The heart must be watched and directed rightly. Its desires and feelings must be set on proper things and kept under steady control. If the heart is guided in the right path, then the steps will follow, and a person’s conduct will be orderly.

“Buy the truth, and do not sell it” (Proverbs 23:23). Truth is what must guide and govern the heart, because without truth there is no real goodness. Right actions do not last without right beliefs. It is by knowing and believing truth that we are kept from sin and held to our duty. So we must buy truth, meaning we must be willing to give up anything for it. The price is not named, because we can never pay too much for it. Whatever it costs, we will not regret the bargain.

When we spend money to gain knowledge, and are determined not to neglect so good a cause, then we are buying the truth. It is better to use riches to gain wisdom than to use wisdom to gain riches. When we work hard to search for truth, so we can know it and tell it apart from error, then we are buying it. Heavenly things are given to those who labor for them. If we would rather lose our worldly advantage than deny or ignore the truth, then we are buying it. Truth is a pearl of such great value that we must be willing to give up everything for it. We must be ready to lose property, business, or position rather than faith and a clear conscience.

But we must not sell the truth. Do not trade it away for pleasure, honor, riches, or anything else in this world. Do not neglect learning it, stop professing it, or turn from its rule in order to gain or save any worldly interest. Hold firmly to sound teaching, and never let it go.

“Give me your heart” (Proverbs 23:26). In this call, God speaks to us like children: “My son, my daughter, give me your heart.” God asks for the heart from every one of us. Whatever else we give, if we do not give him our hearts, it will not be accepted. We must set our love on him. Our thoughts should often be with him and fixed on him as our highest goal.

The intentions of our hearts must be firmly set. We must make it our own choice to devote ourselves to the Lord, freely and gladly. We must not try to divide the heart between God and the world. He wants all of it, or none of it. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart.” To this call we should answer at once, “My Father, take my heart, as it is, and make it what it should be. Take possession of it, and set up your throne there.”

“Let your eyes observe my ways.” We should keep our eyes on the rule of God’s word, on the course of his providence, and on the good examples of his people. We are to watch these things as a student watches a copybook, so that we may stay in the right path and keep going in it.

Fourth, there are special warnings against sins that are especially destructive to the seed of wisdom and grace in the soul, and that drain and ruin it. The first are gluttony and drunkenness (Proverbs 23:20, 21). The world is full of examples and temptations in these sins, and young people must guard against them and keep away from them. Do not be a heavy drinker. We are allowed to drink a little wine (1 Timothy 5:23), but not much, and never to make drinking a habit. Do not be a greedy eater of meat, as the Israelites were when they longed for it so strongly and cried, “Who will give us meat to eat?” Paul, though he was free to eat meat, decided that he would never eat meat if it would cause his brother to stumble (1 Corinthians 8:13). Do not be an excessive eater of meat. Lack of self-control must be avoided in food as well as drink.

Do not be a greedy eater of meat, always wanting only what is rich, tasty, and delicate. Some people take pleasure, and even pride, in being overly careful about their food, as if “eating well” were the mark of a gentleman. In truth, it is a shame for a Christian, because it turns the belly into a kind of god.

Do not be a heavy drinker, and do not keep company with heavy drinkers or with people who overeat. Do not give them your approval, or you may learn their habits and slowly fall into the same sins. At the least, you may lose your fear and dislike of them. They want you among them, because people who are morally loose often want to pull others into the same loose way of life. So do not please them, because you could put yourself in danger.

This sin is also dangerous because of the cost. It can waste a man’s money and lead him into poverty. If people will not be turned away from it by the ruin it brings on their ordinary life, which is often what they care about most, then it is no surprise that they are not moved by what God’s Word says about the harm it does to their souls and eternal life. The drunkard and the glutton hate being corrected, even when they are warned that they will end up poor, or even that they will end up in hell.

Drunkenness also brings sleepiness and dullness. It makes men careless about their work, and then everything falls apart. In this way, men who once lived respectably come to be dressed in rags.

Another sin that steals away the heart that should belong to God is sexual sin. The danger of this sin is great. First, once people are trapped in it, few escape. It is like a deep ditch or a narrow pit, almost impossible to climb out of. So wisdom tells us to stay far from it in the first place. We should be careful not to move even close to this sin, because it is so hard to turn back from it. Conscience, which should lead the retreat, has already been dulled by it, and God’s grace has been lost.

Second, this sin charms people and then destroys them. The adulteress waits like a robber. She may seem friendly, but she is planning the greatest harm, to steal everything valuable from her victims and strip them of both their strength and their honor. Even those who were brought up to avoid her, she will watch for, so that she can attack when they are off guard and she has the advantage. No one should ever feel safe.

Third, this sin does more than almost any other to spread wickedness and immorality through a nation. It multiplies those who break God’s commands. One adulteress may ruin many precious souls and may help corrupt an entire town. It also increases the number of deceitful and unfaithful people. It leads not only husbands to be false to their wives and servants to their masters, but even some who have claimed religion to throw off their profession and break their covenant with God. Houses of sexual sin are like plague houses, and those who care for the public good ought to shut them down.