Proverbs 31:10 - Meaning and Application

This description of the virtuous woman is meant to show what kind of wives women should become and what kind of wives men should choose. It has 22 verses, each beginning with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet in order, like some of the Psalms. That makes some people think it was not part of the lesson Lemuel’s mother taught him, but a separate poem, maybe one that pious Jews often repeated and made easier to remember by using the alphabet.

The New Testament gives a short form of this teaching in (Titus 2:9, Titus 2:10, 1 Peter 3:1-6), where the duty of wives agrees with this picture of a good wife. It is fitting that so much weight is placed on this subject, because few things help keep religion alive in families more than wise, godly mothers. It also matters greatly for a household’s outward comfort and wealth. A man who wants to prosper must, as the saying goes, ask his wife’s leave.

Here is the general question raised here, in (Proverbs 31:10), after such a woman. First, there is the person being sought, a virtuous woman, that is, a woman of strength. Though women are called the weaker vessel, this woman is made strong by wisdom, grace, and the fear of God. The same word is used of good judges in (Exodus 18:21), where they are called able men, meaning men fit for their work, men of truth who fear God.

So a virtuous woman is a woman of spirit. She has control over herself and knows how to guide others wisely. She is godly and hardworking, and she is a true helper for her husband. This stands in contrast to the weakness of the heart of a proud and immoral woman in (Ezekiel 16:30). A virtuous woman is also steady and resolute. Having committed herself to good principles, she stays firm in them and is not shaken out of her duty by changing moods or troubles.

Second, such a woman is hard to find. The question, “Who can find her?” shows that good women are scarce, and many who seem good do not prove to be so. A man may think he has found a virtuous woman and later discover he was mistaken, like one who expected Rachel and found Leah instead. Anyone who plans to marry should seek carefully for such a woman, keeping this chief aim in view.

He must not be ruled by beauty, lively manners, wealth, family name, fine clothes, or skill in dancing. These things may be present even where virtue is missing. And there are many truly virtuous women who do not shine with those outward advantages. Third, because such a wife is so rare, she is of great worth. A man who has such a wife should value her highly and show that by thankfulness to God and by kindness and respect to her. Her price is far above rubies, and far above all the rich ornaments vain women wear.

The more uncommon such good wives are, the more they should be prized. Next comes a full description of her and her excellent qualities. She is very diligent in winning her husband’s esteem and affection. Those who are good in themselves will also be good in marriage. A good woman, if she enters married life, will make a good wife and will seek to please her husband (1 Corinthians 7:34). Though she has spirit, her desire is toward her husband. She wants to know his mind so she can fit herself to it, and she is willing for him to have authority over her.

She conducts herself so that he can trust her completely. He trusts her chastity, because she has never given him reason to doubt it or to feel jealous. She is not cold or closed off, but modest and serious, with clear signs of virtue in her speech and conduct. Her husband knows this, so his heart safely trusts in her. He is at ease, and she helps keep him at ease. He also trusts her judgment, knowing she will speak and act wisely in every setting, so she will not bring him harm or shame.

He trusts her faithfulness to his interests, knowing she will never betray his secrets or set her own interests apart from the family’s good. When he goes out to deal with public matters, he can rely on her to manage things at home just as well as he could himself. A good wife is one who can be trusted, and a good husband is one who leaves matters in the hands of such a wife.

Though she does not have to work for her daily bread, because she has an estate to live on, she still will not eat in idleness. She knows we were not made to be lazy. She knows that when people have nothing to do, the devil will quickly give them work to do, and that it is not right for those who will not work to eat.

Some people eat and drink simply because they have nothing else to occupy them. They fill up their time with social calls and polished entertainments, even when those visits are unnecessary. She has no taste for that kind of idle living, because she neither makes nor welcomes useless visits or empty talk.

She is careful to use her time well, so none of it is wasted. When daylight is gone, she does not think it is time to stop working, as those must do whose work is outside in the fields (Psa 104:23). Her work is inside the house, and it is worth doing by candlelight, so she makes the day last longer. Her candle does not go out at night (Pro 31:18). It is a mercy to have candlelight when daylight is gone, and it is our duty to make good use of it. We still say of careful, well-finished work that it smells of the lamp.

She rises early, while it is still night (Pro 31:15), to give her servants breakfast. That way, they are ready and cheerful when the day begins. She is nothing like those who sit up playing cards or dancing until midnight or later, and then sleep until noon. The good wife values her work more than her comfort or pleasure. She wants to be found doing her duty at every hour of the day. She gets more real satisfaction from feeding her household early in the morning than other people get from the money they win, and much more than they get from what they lose, after sitting up all night at play. Those who have a family to care for should not love their beds too much in the morning.

She also turns to the kind of work that fits her role. She is not busy with a scholar’s work, a statesman’s work, or a farmer’s work, but with a woman’s work. She seeks wool and flax, choosing the best she can get at the best price. She keeps supplies on hand for both wool and linen work (Pro 31:13). With these things, she not only gives poor people work, which is a very good thing, but she also works herself, and gladly, with her hands. She works with willing skill, as the wording suggests. She goes about her work cheerfully and carefully. She applies not only her hands but her mind to it, and she keeps at it without growing tired of doing good.

She puts her own hands to the spindle, or spinning wheel, and holds the distaff with her hands (Pro 31:19). She does not think this lowers her freedom or her honor, and she does not see it as beneath her rest or dignity. Here, the spindle and distaff are mentioned as part of her honor, while the ornaments of the daughters of Zion are listed as things that brought them shame (Isa 2:18, etc.).

She also does what she does with all her strength, without half-hearted effort (Pro 31:17). She girds her loins with strength and strengthens her arms. She does not spend her time only on seated work, or on tasks that are just delicate finger work. Some work is so slight that it is hardly more than doing nothing. If needed, she will take on work that requires all her strength, and she uses that strength wisely, knowing that this is the way to gain more.

She also makes her work profitable by managing it wisely. She does not labor all night and end up with nothing. Rather, she sees that her merchandise is good (Pro 31:18). She knows that all her labor brings profit, and that keeps her going. She can tell that she can make some things better and cheaper herself than if she bought them. By watching carefully, she learns which part of her work brings the best return, and she gives herself most fully to that.

She brings in whatever her family needs and wants (Pro 31:14). No merchant ships, not even Solomon’s navy, ever brought back a better profit than her work does. Ships bring in foreign goods with what they send out, and she does the same with the fruit of her labor. If her own land does not produce something she needs, she can get it by trading the goods she has for it. In that way, she brings her food from far away. She does not value things just because they are far off, but if they are far away and she needs them, she knows how to obtain them.

She also buys land and increases the family’s property (Pro 31:16). She considers a field and buys it. She thinks about how useful it will be to the family and how good a return it will bring, and that is why she buys it. Or rather, even if she strongly wants it, she does not buy it until she has carefully thought it through. She asks whether it is worth the money, whether she can spare that much from her resources, whether the title is sound, whether the land matches its description, and whether she has enough money ready to pay for it. Many people have ruined themselves by buying without thinking, but those who want to make good purchases must consider first and then buy. She also plants a vineyard, but she does it with the fruit of her hands. She does not borrow money or go into debt for it. She uses what she has saved from the gains of her own home. People should not spend money on luxuries until, by God’s blessing on their work, they have enough ahead of time to afford them. Then the fruit of the vineyard is twice as sweet, because it comes from honest labor.

She also furnishes her house well and provides good clothing for herself and her family (Pro 31:22). She makes coverings of tapestry for her rooms, and she may rightly use them, since she made them herself. Her own clothing is rich and fine, silk and purple, fitting for her position and rank. She is not vain, and she does not spend much time dressing herself. She does not make clothing her main decoration, and she does not take pride in it. Even so, she has fine clothes and wears them well. The robes her husband wears, suited to his place as a leading man, are of her own spinning, and they are better-looking and longer-lasting than anything bought ready-made. She also provides warm clothing for her children and servants’ uniforms. She need not fear the coldest winter, because she and her household are well supplied with clothing that keeps out the cold, which is the main purpose of clothing. Her whole household is clothed in scarlet, that is, in strong, winter-suitable cloth that still looks rich and good. Some take it to mean they are doubly clothed, with both winter and summer clothing.

She makes more than her household needs, and so, after she has supplied her family well, she sells fine linen and belts to merchants (Proverbs 31:24). These goods may be taken to Tyre, a busy trading city, or to some other market city. Families are likely to prosper when they sell more than they buy, just as a nation does well when it exports plenty of its own goods.

It is no disgrace for people of good standing to sell what they can spare, or to trade and send goods by sea. She also stores up for the future. She will rejoice later because she has built up a good supply for her family and good portions for her children. Those who work hard in their best years will enjoy the fruit of it when they are old, both by remembering it with joy and by receiving its benefit.

She cares well for her household and all its affairs. She gives meat to her household, every person his share at the proper time (Proverbs 31:15), so none of her servants have reason to complain that they are kept short or treated badly. She also gives her maidens their portion, meaning both their work and their food, so each one knows her duty and has her task. She watches over the conduct of her household carefully (Proverbs 31:27). She observes the behavior of her servants so she can correct what is wrong and lead them all to do their duty to God, to one another, and to her.

Like Job, who put away evil from his house, and David, who would allow no wicked thing in his home, she keeps order in her own house. She does not meddle in other people’s households. She thinks it is enough to look well to her own.

She is also generous to the poor (Proverbs 31:20). She is as eager to give as she is to get. She often helps the needy with her own hands, and she does it freely, cheerfully, and generously, with an open hand. She does not help only the poor neighbors near at hand. She reaches out to those in need even at a distance, looking for chances to do good and share with others. That is as true a part of good household management as anything else she does.

She is wise and pleasant in her speech. She is not given to empty talk, harsh criticism, or irritability, as some busy people are. Instead, she opens her mouth with wisdom. When she speaks, she does so with good sense and to the point, and every word shows that she is guided by wisdom. She not only makes wise choices herself, but also gives wise advice to others.

Yet she does this, not like a ruler throwing orders around, but like a kind friend. In her tongue is the law of kindness. Everything she says is governed by that rule. Love and kindness are written on her heart, and they show themselves in her speech. If we truly care for one another, it will be heard in the way we speak. It is called a law of kindness because it shapes how she treats everyone she speaks with. Her wisdom and kindness together give force to her words. They win respect and often bring willing agreement. Kind words are powerful.

Some understand this as the law of grace, or mercy, meaning that she also speaks often of God’s word. She delights to talk of it with her children and servants. Her speech is full of serious and godly conversation, and she handles it wisely. That shows how full her heart is of the world to come, even while her hands are busy with the things of this world.

What completes and crowns her character is this: she fears the Lord (Proverbs 31:30). Along with all her other good qualities, she has the one thing most needed. She is truly godly, and she is guided in all she does by conscience and reverence for God. That is here set far above beauty. Beauty fades and can mislead. It does not make a person pleasing to God, and it is no sure sign of wisdom or goodness. Many a man has been deceived by beauty when choosing a wife.

A fair body may hide an impure and deformed soul. In fact, beauty has led many into temptations that ruined their virtue, their honor, and their souls. At best, beauty is a fading thing, and so it is vain and deceptive. Illness can spoil it quickly. Countless accidents can ruin this flower in its prime. Old age will certainly wither it, and death and the grave will consume it. But the fear of God in the heart is the soul’s true beauty. It brings a person into God’s favor, and in his sight it is of great value. It lasts forever, and even death cannot destroy it. Death destroys the beauty of the body, but it brings the beauty of the soul to completion.

The happiness of this virtuous woman is also shown clearly. She has the comfort of her virtue in her own mind (Proverbs 31:25). Strength and honor are her clothing. She wraps herself in them, enjoying them inwardly and showing them outwardly. She has firmness and steadiness of spirit, so she can bear the many troubles and disappointments that even the wise and good must face in this world. That strength and honor are her clothing, for both protection and dignity.

She deals honestly with everyone, and she enjoys doing so. She will rejoice in time to come. When she grows old, she will look back with comfort and know that she was not idle or useless in her youth. On the day of death, it will be a comfort to her to think that she lived for a good purpose. Even beyond that, she shall rejoice in the life to come. She will be rewarded for her goodness with full joy and pleasures forever.

She is also a great blessing to those close to her (Proverbs 31:28). Her children rise up and call her blessed. They speak well of her, and they themselves are a living praise to her. They pray for her and thank God that they had such a good mother. This is a debt they owe her, part of the honor required by the fifth commandment, and a double honor is due to a good father and a good mother.

Her husband also thinks himself so blessed in her that he takes every opportunity to speak well of her as one of the best of women. That is no shame at all. It is a fine example of married love for husbands and wives to speak well of one another and give each other the praise they deserve.

She also gains a good name among her neighbors, as Ruth did, whom everyone in her city knew to be a virtuous woman (Ruth 3:11). Virtue will have its praise (Philippians 4:8). A woman who fears the Lord will receive praise from God (Romans 2:29) and from people too. She will be highly praised, for many have acted nobly. It appears that virtuous women are precious jewels, though not so rare as Proverbs 31:10 may first have suggested.

There have been many good women, but none can be compared with this one. Who can find her equal? She rises above them all. People who are good should aim to excel in virtue. Many daughters have lived wisely in their father’s house and in unmarried life, but a good wife, if she is virtuous, surpasses them all. She does more good in her own place than they can do in theirs. Some take this to mean that a man cannot have his house kept as well by good daughters as by a good wife.

She will be praised without dispute (Proverbs 31:31). Some people are praised more than they deserve, but the praise this woman receives is only what she has earned. It is the fruit of her hands, and it is rightly due to her. She would be wronged if she did not receive it. Those whose work is worthy of praise ought to be praised. A tree is known by its fruit, so if the fruit is good, the tree should receive a good word.

If her children are dutiful and respectful, and they live as they should, then they give her the fruit of her hands. She reaps the reward of all the care she has given them, and she feels well paid. Children should try to repay their parents in this way, and that is part of showing true godliness at home (1 Timothy 5:4). But if people are unfair, the matter will still speak for itself. Her own works will praise her in the gates, openly before everyone.

She leaves it to her works to praise her, and she does not chase after human applause. Those are not truly virtuous women who love to hear themselves praised. Her own works will praise her. If her family and neighbors stay quiet, her good deeds will still speak for her. The widows gave the best praise of Dorcas when they showed the coats and garments she had made for the poor (Acts 9:39).

At the very least, her neighbors should allow her works to praise her and do nothing to block that praise. Those who do what is good should receive praise for it (Romans 13:3). We should not envy it or try to lessen it, but let it stir us to holy effort. Let no one speak badly of her, since her life already bears a good witness to the truth itself. So this looking glass for ladies comes to a close. They are asked to look into it and dress themselves by it. If they do, their beauty will be found in praise, honor, and glory when Jesus Christ appears.