Ephesians 5:21 - Meaning and Application

Here the apostle begins his teaching on the duties people owe in their different relationships. As a general rule for all these duties, he gives this command in Ephesians 5:21. Christians should submit to one another, willing to carry one another’s burdens. They should not lift themselves above others, rule over one another, or act as if they can set the rules for everyone else.

Paul himself showed this kind of Christian spirit, for he became all things to all men. We also must have a gentle and yielding spirit, ready to do the duties that belong to the place God has given us in life. This should be done in the fear of God, that is, in a way that agrees with reverence for him, for his sake, and from a conscience that wants to honor him. In this way, we show that we truly fear God.

Where there is this mutual humility and submission, the duties of all relationships will be carried out better. From Ephesians 5:22 to the end of the passage, Paul speaks of the duties of husbands and wives. He speaks in a distinctly Christian way, using the church as the example for a wife’s submission, and Christ as the example for a husband’s love.

The duty of wives is to submit to their husbands in the Lord (Ephesians 5:22). This includes honoring and obeying them, and doing so from love. They are to do this because God has commanded it, so their obedience is really obedience to the Lord. Or Paul may mean that, just as believers are devoted to God and submit to him, wives should show the same willing spirit toward their husbands.

From the first meaning, we learn that when we faithfully do our duties toward other people, we obey and please God himself. From the second, we learn that God does not only require duties that concern himself directly, but also those that concern our neighbors. Paul gives the reason for this submission: the husband is the head of the wife in Ephesians 5:23.

The picture comes from the human body. The head is the seat of reason, wisdom, and knowledge, and it is the source of sense and movement. So it is more excellent than the rest of the body. God has given the man a place of leadership by creation, and that is part of the original order in marriage: “Your desire shall be toward your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Whatever trouble comes from this, it is the result of sin entering the world.

In general, the man also has, and should have, greater wisdom and knowledge. So he is the head, just as Christ is the head of the church. There is a likeness between Christ’s authority over the church and the husband’s headship, because both are ordered by God. Paul adds, and he is the Savior of the body.

Christ uses his authority over the church for her good, saving her from evil and providing what is good for her. In the same way, the husband should work for the protection and comfort of his wife. For that reason, she should submit to him more willingly. So Paul says, as the church is subject to Christ, let wives be subject to their own husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:24), that is, in everything where their authority rightly extends, and in everything lawful and consistent with duty to God.

The duty of husbands, on the other hand, is to love their wives (Ephesians 5:25). Without love, they would misuse their position of leadership. Where this love is present as it should be, it naturally includes the other duties of marriage. This is a special and distinct kind of love that is required for the wife’s good.

Christ’s love for the church is the model for this. His love is sincere, pure, strong, and constant, even though the church has faults and failures. The greatness of his love appeared in this, that he gave himself to death for her. Notice that Paul gives the church’s submission to Christ as the pattern for wives, and Christ’s love for the church as the pattern for husbands. Since both are given examples to follow, and since so much is required from each, neither has reason to complain about God’s command.

What God asks of husbands, loving their wives, makes up for the submission he asks of wives. And the wife’s required submission is a full return for the love the husband owes her. After mentioning Christ’s love for the church, Paul explains it further by showing why Christ gave himself for her: that he might sanctify her in this life and glorify her in the next.

He gave himself that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word in Ephesians 5:26. That means he gives his people a holy nature and frees them from the guilt, stain, and power of sin. The means he uses include the appointed signs of the gospel, especially baptism, and the preaching and receiving of the gospel.

He also gave himself that he might present the church to himself, in Ephesians 5:27. Dr. Lightfoot thinks Paul is referring to the Jews’ careful washings for cleansing. They were careful that nothing should keep the water from every part of the body, and that no stain or dirt should remain unwashed. Others think Paul is thinking of a garment just taken from the fuller’s hand, cleansed from spots and stretched free from wrinkles, whether newly formed or worn in by long use.

Christ’s purpose is to present the church to himself in the great day as a glorious church, perfect in knowledge and holiness, with no spot, wrinkle, or anything like them left in her. Nothing of deformity or uncleanness will remain. She will be fully pleasing in his sight, holy and without blemish, free from even the smallest remains of sin. The church as a whole, and believers one by one, will not be without spot or wrinkle until they come to glory.

From these two verses, we should notice that the glory of the church is the aim of her sanctification. Those who are sanctified now are the ones who will be glorified later. So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies in Ephesians 5:28. Since the wife is made one with her husband, not by nature, but in civil and relational life, this is a reason for him to love her with the same warmth and affection he shows himself.

No one ever hated his own flesh in Ephesians 5:29, that is, no sane person ever truly hated himself, no matter how marked by weakness or flaws he might be. Instead, a man feeds and cares for his own body. He treats himself with care and tenderness, and he works to provide what is useful and good, such as food, clothing, and other needs.

As the Lord nourishes and cherishes the church, giving it all things he sees are needed or good for it, so he cares for everything that leads to its lasting happiness and well-being. The apostle adds, “For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones” (Ephesians 5:30). He gives this as the reason Christ nourishes and cherishes the church, because all who belong to it are members of his body, that is, of his spiritual body.

Or, we may say that we are members out of his body. All the grace and glory the church has come from Christ, just as Eve was taken from Adam. But, as one writer notes, Scripture often speaks of a whole thing by naming its parts. So here, by “body, flesh, and bones,” we are to understand Christ himself. The meaning is that we are members of Christ.

“For this reason,” because Christ and his church are one, “a man shall leave his father and mother.” The apostle is referring to Adam’s words when Eve was given to him as a suitable helper (Genesis 2:24). This does not mean a man’s duty to other family ties ends when he marries. It means this relationship must come first, because the bond between husband and wife is closer than any other. A man must be ready to leave any other earthly relation rather than his wife.

“And the two shall become one flesh,” that is, by marriage they are joined together as one. “This is a great mystery” (Ephesians 5:32). Adam’s words, which the apostle has just quoted, speak plainly about marriage. But they also carry a hidden, spiritual meaning about the union between Christ and his church. The marriage of Adam and the mother of us all was a picture of that union. It was not set up mainly to mean that, but it still pointed to it in a natural way, because of the likeness between them. “I am speaking about Christ and the church.”

After that, the apostle ends this part of his teaching with a short summary of the duty of husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:33). “Nevertheless,” even though there is this deep spiritual meaning, the plain, direct meaning applies to you: let each one love his wife as himself, with a sincere, special, steady, and strong affection like the love he has for himself. And let the wife see that she respects her husband. Respect includes love and esteem, which lead her to want to please him, and also a proper caution, so she does not give just offense. It is God’s will and the rule of this relationship that the wife should respect her husband.