Colossians 3:18 - Meaning and Application

The apostle ends this chapter with instructions for ordinary family and social duties, as he also did in the letter to the Ephesians. The epistles that most clearly show the glory of God’s grace and the greatness of the Lord Jesus also speak very plainly about the duties of each relationship. We must never separate gospel privileges from gospel duties.

He begins with wives and husbands (Colossians 3:18). “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” Submission is the duty of wives. The same word is used for our duty to rulers, as when Paul says, “Let every soul be subject to the higher powers” (Romans 13:1). It is also described as subjection and respect (Ephesians 5:24, Ephesians 5:33). One reason is that Adam was formed first, then Eve, and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and fell into transgression (1 Timothy 2:13, 1 Timothy 2:14). He was first in creation and last in the fall. The head of the woman is the man, and the woman was made from the man and for the man, not the other way around (1 Corinthians 11:3, 1 Corinthians 11:8, 1 Corinthians 11:9). This fits the order of nature, the logic of things, and God’s appointment.

Yet this is submission to a husband, not to a harsh master or an absolute tyrant. A wife submits to her own husband, the one she is most closely joined to, and who also has strict duties before God. This is “fitting in the Lord,” meaning it suits the relationship and is part of obedience to Christ’s authority and law.

On the other hand, husbands must love their wives and not be harsh with them (Colossians 3:19). They must love them with tender, faithful affection, as Christ loved the church, as they love their own bodies, and even as themselves (Ephesians 5:25, Ephesians 5:28, Ephesians 5:33). This is a love that belongs to the nearest human relationship and is one of life’s greatest comforts and blessings. Husbands must not treat their wives bitterly, with sharp words or severe behavior. They should be kind and considerate in everything, for woman was made for man, and man also comes through woman (1 Corinthians 11:9, 1 Corinthians 11:11, 1 Corinthians 11:12).

Next he speaks of children and parents. “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). Children should gladly do all lawful commands and be guided by their parents’ direction, since parents have a natural right and are better fitted to direct them. Paul also says in Ephesians 6:2 that children must honor their parents, not just obey them. They should value them and think well of them, because obedience should come from a mind that esteems them. This pleases God, and it is the first commandment with a promise (Ephesians 6:2), the promise that it may go well with them and that they may live long on the earth. Children who honor their parents are generally more likely to prosper and live long.

Parents also must be gentle, not just children obedient (Colossians 3:21). “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.” Parents should not use authority with harshness and severity, but with kindness and gentleness. Otherwise they stir up resentment, weaken their children’s spirit, and make them less willing to do what is right. If parents pull too hard, they often drive their children into greater rebellion. Poor temper and poor example in parents often become a great hindrance and stumbling block to their children, as also seen in Ephesians 6:4. Through the tenderness of parents and the obedience of children, God usually raises up a people for himself and carries religion from one generation to the next.

He then turns to servants and masters. “Servants, obey your masters in all things according to the flesh” (Colossians 3:22). Servants must do the work that belongs to their place, and obey their masters in everything that does not conflict with their duty to God, their heavenly Master. They must not serve only when watched, as people who aim to please others. Instead, they must be both honest and diligent. They should work with sincerity of heart, fearing God. That means no hidden selfish goals, no hypocrisy, and no pretending, but the behavior of people who stand in awe of God.

The fear of God ruling in the heart makes people faithful in every relationship. Servants who fear God will be honest when no human eye sees them, because they know God is watching. See Abraham’s words, “Surely the fear of God is not in this place” (Genesis 20:11), and Nehemiah’s words, “But I did not do so, because of the fear of God” (Nehemiah 5:15). “Whatever you do, do it heartily” (Colossians 3:23), with diligence and not laziness. Or do it cheerfully, not grumbling at the providence of God that placed you in that position. “As to the Lord, and not to men.” A servant’s work is made holy when it is done as service to God, with his glory in view and in obedience to his command, not merely to please people. When we are faithful in our duties to people, we are really doing our duty to God.

For encouragement, servants should know that a faithful servant is no less fit for heaven because he serves in a low place. “Knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ” (Colossians 3:24). If you serve your earthly master according to Christ’s command, you are serving Christ himself, and he will repay you. Your present lot may be service, but your future reward is the inheritance of sons. On the other hand, “He who does wrong will receive for the wrong he has done” (Colossians 3:25). God is righteous, and if servants cheat or wrong their masters, he will call them to account, even if their masters never find out. He will punish the dishonest and reward the faithful, and the same is true if masters wrong their servants. There is no favoritism with God. The righteous Judge of all the earth is impartial. He treats master and servant alike, with no regard to outward status or condition. Both stand on level ground before his judgment seat.

The apostle likely has in mind, throughout these duties, the case mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7, where people were in relationships with those of a different religion, such as a Christian and a pagan, or a Jewish convert and an uncircumcised Gentile. In such cases, someone might wonder whether ordinary duties still apply. If these instructions hold there, they apply even more strongly to Christians toward one another, and where both belong to the same faith. How happy the world would be if gospel religion ruled everywhere. It would shape every condition of life and every relationship.