2 Samuel 13:21 - Meaning and Application

What Solomon says about how quarrels begin is true of sin in general. Sin is like water escaping from a broken dam, once the barrier is gone, a flood follows. One wrong leads to another, and no one can tell where it will end.

Here we are told how David reacted when he heard what Amnon had done. He was very angry (2 Samuel 13:21). He had every reason to be. His own son had done a wicked thing and had made David partly responsible by allowing it. It disgraced David because he had not trained his son better, shamed his family, ruined his daughter, gave a bad example to the kingdom, and harmed his son’s soul.

But anger was not enough. David should have punished Amnon and publicly shamed him. As both father and king, he had the authority to do it. The Septuagint adds these words here: "But he did not grieve the spirit of his son Amnon, because he loved him, because he was his firstborn." David fell into the same mistake as Eli, whose sons made themselves vile and yet he did not restrain them. If Amnon was dear to him, then punishing him would have cost David something, and that would have made the correction more real. But people often cannot bear to correct in others what they know is also in themselves. So David’s anger took the place of justice, and that only made the sinner bolder (Ecclesiastes 8:11).

Absalom reacted in his own way. He began to act like the judge in Israel, since his father would not punish Amnon. But he was not driven by justice or concern for purity. He was driven by revenge because he felt insulted by what had been done to his sister. Their mother was the daughter of a heathen prince (2 Samuel 3:3), and perhaps they had been mocked for that. Absalom treated the abuse of his sister as if she had been treated like a slave. If Amnon thought her fit to be his harlot, Absalom thought him fit to be his slave. His anger burned until nothing less than Amnon’s blood seemed able to satisfy it.

The plan was first conceived. Absalom hated Amnon (2 Samuel 13:22). Anyone who hates his brother is already a murderer in heart, like Cain, and belongs to the evil one (1 John 3:12, 1 John 3:15). Absalom’s hatred of Amnon’s sin would have been right, and he could have brought charges against him through proper justice. That would have warned others and brought some compensation to his injured sister. But to hate the man and plan his death by murder was to insult God. It was as if he thought he could repair a broken seventh commandment by breaking the sixth. Yet the same God who said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not murder" (James 2:11).

The plan was also concealed. Absalom said nothing to Amnon, good or bad. He acted as if nothing had happened and kept up his usual courtesy, while waiting for a chance to harm him. Hidden malice is especially dangerous. If Absalom had spoken plainly with Amnon, he might have shown him his sin and led him to repent. Instead, Amnon’s heart grew harder, and Absalom’s anger grew deeper. That is why Scripture opposes hating a neighbor in your heart to rebuking him openly (Leviticus 19:17). Let anger be brought into the open, and it may spend itself.

This kind of hate is also dangerous because it wears a mask of friendship. Absalom’s words were smooth, but war was in his heart, like Proverbs 26:26 says. It is also dangerous because it is kept alive for a long time. Absalom nursed this bitterness for two full years (2 Samuel 13:24). Perhaps at first he did not mean to kill his brother, for he had earlier chances if he had wanted to. At first he may only have intended to shame him or hurt him in some other way. But over time, hatred ripened into murder. If letting the sun go down once on anger gives room to the devil (Ephesians 4:26, Ephesians 4:27), what would two full years of anger do?

The plan was then arranged. Absalom held a feast at his country house, like Nabal at the time of sheep-shearing (2 Samuel 13:23). Though Absalom was careful about his own appearance and status (2 Samuel 14:26), he still knew how to manage his flocks. People who think only of spending their country wealth in the city are on the fast road to losing it. When Absalom had sheep-shearers, he stayed with them.

He invited King David, his father, and all the royal princes to the feast (2 Samuel 13:24). This was partly to show them respect, and partly to make himself seem more important among his neighbors. People connected to the powerful are often tempted to think too highly of themselves because of that connection. David refused to go, because he did not want Absalom to spend so much on entertaining him (2 Samuel 13:25). It seems Absalom had his own estate and lived as someone of his rank should. David had given it to him, but expected him to manage it well. This gives parents a good example. When children are grown, give them enough to live on according to their station, and then make sure they do not live above it. Young householders should also begin in a way they can sustain, and not spend the wool before the sheep are sheared.

Absalom then got permission for Amnon and the rest of the king’s sons to come to the feast and honor his table in the country (2 Samuel 13:26, 2 Samuel 13:27). He had hidden his hatred so well that David saw no danger in that invitation. “Let my brother Amnon go.” But that made the blow more painful for David, because he had been persuaded to approve the very thing that gave the murderer his chance, as happened before (2 Samuel 13:7). Even grown sons kept such respect for their father that they would not make even a short trip without his permission. Children, even when grown, should honor their parents, consult them, and do nothing important without their consent, much less against their wishes.

The plan was carried out (2 Samuel 13:28, 2 Samuel 13:29). Absalom gave them a very generous feast, and he intended that they should all be merry with wine, at least expecting that Amnon would be, since he knew Amnon was prone to excess. But the orders he gave his servants about Amnon were cruel and savage.

If Absalom had challenged Amnon and trusted the goodness of his cause and God’s justice, that would still have been wrong, though it would have been more honorable and more excusable. In old times, some laws even allowed a fight to settle a case. But Absalom did worse than that, he murdered Amnon. In that, he followed Cain’s example, though the reason was different, since Abel was killed for being righteous, and Amnon for being wicked.

Notice how serious this sin was. Absalom waited until Amnon’s heart was merry with wine, when he would be least alert, least able to defend himself, and least fit to die. It was as if his hatred wanted to destroy both soul and body, giving him no time to say, “Lord, have mercy on me.” Many people have faced death suddenly while their hearts were full of overeating and drunkenness.

Absalom also used his servants, dragging them into his guilt. He gave the order, “Strike Amnon,” and they, obeying him and trusting that his authority would protect them, killed him. What open defiance of God’s law this was, when God had clearly said, “You shall not kill,” yet he told them to kill Amnon and treated his own command as enough. Servants are badly taught when they obey their masters against God, and masters are wicked when they train them to do that. Servants are too obedient when they risk their souls just to please men, whose loud words cannot shield them from God’s anger. Masters must always give orders as people who know they also have a Master in heaven.

He did this in front of all the king’s sons, who were the chief officials (2 Samuel 8:18). So it was an insult to public justice, which they were meant to carry out, and to their father the king, whom they represented. It was also a scornful attack on the sword that should have frightened evil, even though now his evil deeds were frightening everyone else.

There is reason to think Absalom did this not only to avenge his sister, but also to clear a path to the throne, which he wanted badly. He would seem in a strong position if Amnon, the oldest son, were removed. When Absalom gave the command, his servants carried it out without delay, thinking their master, now likely next in line for the crown, would protect them. So the threatened sword entered David’s house, and it would not leave. First, his oldest son fell by it, because of his own wickedness, with David’s neglect making him partly responsible. Second, all his sons fled from it and came home in fear, not knowing how far Absalom’s murderous plan might reach. See what sin does to families.