2 Samuel 13:1 - Meaning and Application

Here we have a full account of Amnon’s shocking wickedness in forcing his sister. It is a subject too shameful to dwell on at length, or even to mention without grief. It is terrible that any man could sink so low, and especially terrible that a son of David should do so. Amnon’s character was likely already bad in other ways. If he had not turned away from God, he would never have been handed over to such vile desires.

Godly parents often have wicked children. Grace does not pass through the bloodline, but corruption does. We do not read that David’s children copied his devotion, but they did follow his wrong steps, and in those they went much further. Parents should remember how deadly it can be if they give their children bad examples in any area.

Notice the steps of Amnon’s sin. First, the devil, acting like an unclean spirit, put lust for his sister Tamar into Amnon’s heart. Beauty can become a trap for many, and it was for her. She was beautiful, and so Amnon desired her (2 Samuel 13:1). Those who are especially handsome or beautiful have no reason to be proud. Instead, they have good reason to stay alert.

Amnon’s lust was unnatural in itself. To desire his own sister was a thought that natural conscience would recoil from with horror. Yet human corruption is so twisted that it often wants forbidden things more strongly because they are forbidden. Could he really think of betraying the virtue and honor he should have protected as her brother? But what evil will not find a place in an unholy, unguarded heart that is left to itself?

His lust was also a torment to him. He was so troubled that he could not find a way to talk privately with Tamar, even though innocent conversation with her was not denied to him, that he made himself sick (2 Samuel 13:2). Fleshly lusts punish the sinner as well as fight against the soul. They also harm the body and wear a person down. See what a hard master sinners serve, and how heavy his yoke is.

Second, the devil, acting like a crafty serpent, put into Amnon’s mind a way to carry out this evil plan. Amnon had a friend, as he called him, but he was really his enemy. He was a relative, more like David in blood, since he was his nephew, than in spirit, because he was a shrewd man, skilled at planning bad schemes, especially this kind of plot (2 Samuel 13:3).

He noticed that Amnon looked unwell and, being clever, concluded that he was sick with love (2 Samuel 13:4). He asked him, “Why are you, the king’s son, so thin from day to day? Why are you wasting away, since you are the king’s eldest son and heir to the throne?” Since he was the king’s son, Jonadab reasoned, he had the pleasures of the court to cheer him. Yet comfort and contentment are not always found in palaces. We might just as rightly ask troubled believers why they, as children of the King of kings and heirs of the crown of life, are so thin from day to day.

He also had the power of a prince to command what he wanted. So, Jonadab was really saying, use your position and satisfy yourself. Do not pine away for something you want, lawful or unlawful, since you are the king’s son and can have what you wish. This is like Jezebel’s advice to Ahab in a similar case, “Do not you govern Israel?” (1 Kings 21:7). The misuse of power is one of the most dangerous temptations for the great.

When Amnon had the boldness to confess his wicked desire, while calling it love, “I love Tamar,” Jonadab showed him how to carry it out (2 Samuel 13:5). If he had truly been Amnon’s friend, he would have been shocked by such wickedness. He would have warned him about the evil of it, how it offended God, how it damaged Amnon’s own soul, and how deadly it would be if he kept pursuing it. He would have used his cleverness to turn Amnon away from this sin and toward a lawful wife instead.

But Jonadab was not surprised at all. He said nothing about the sinfulness, the difficulty, the shame, or even David’s anger. Instead, he helped Amnon arrange matters so Tamar could come to his bedside, and then he could do as he pleased. The case is very sad when a person’s friends do not correct them, but flatter them and push them onward in sin, serving as advisers and planners for evil.

Amnon was already sick, but he pretended to be much worse. His thin face would make the lie believable. He was to say he could not get up and had no appetite for anything except what his fancy wanted. Even rich food is disgusting to the sick person (Job 33:20). The best dish from the king’s table would not satisfy him, but if he ate at all, it had to be something from Tamar’s hand.

He followed this plan and made himself sick, setting a trap like a lion waiting in its den to seize the poor and draw them into his net (Psalm 10:8-10). David loved his children and felt concern when anything was wrong with them. So when he heard that Amnon was sick, he went himself to visit him. Let parents learn from this to be tender and compassionate toward their children. A sick child is usually comforted by the mother (Isaiah 66:13), but the father should not be indifferent.

We may suppose that David, when he came to see his son, gave him wise counsel and prayed with him, though that did not change Amnon’s evil purpose. As he left, the indulgent father asked, “Is there anything you want me to get for you?” “Yes, sir,” said the pretending son. “My stomach is weak, and I do not know of anything I can eat except a cake made by my sister Tamar. And I will not be sure it is right unless I see her make it. It will help me more if I eat it from her hand.” David saw no reason to suspect harm. God kept him from understanding the matter. So he at once told Tamar to go and serve her sick brother (2 Samuel 13:7).

He did this innocently, but later he would no doubt remember it with deep sorrow. Tamar also went innocently to her brother’s room, fearing no abuse, since why would she suspect a brother, even a sick one? She also did it out of obedience to her father and love for her brother, though he was only her half-brother (2 Samuel 13:8-9). Though she was a king’s daughter, a great beauty (2 Samuel 13:1), and richly dressed (2 Samuel 13:18), she did not think it beneath her to knead dough and bake cakes. She would not have seen that as beneath her if she had not been used to it. Good household work is not beneath the greatest ladies, and they should not count it a shame. The virtuous woman, though her husband sits among the elders, still works willingly with her hands (Proverbs 31:13).

Modern times have not lacked such examples, and this is not as old-fashioned as some try to make it. Preparing to care for the sick should be more of a concern and joy for women than dressing for fine clothes or idle amusement, and charity should matter more than curiosity.

Having gotten Tamar to come to him, Amnon arranged to have her alone, because an adulterer, especially such a vile one, wants no one to see him (Job 24:15). The food is ready, but he cannot enjoy it while others are watching, so everyone must be sent out (2 Samuel 13:9). The sick man must be humored, and he thinks that gives him the right to command. Tamar is willing to accommodate him, and her pure and virtuous heart does not suspect what fills his polluted mind, so she does not hesitate to be alone with him in the inner room (2 Samuel 13:10). Then the mask comes off, the food is forgotten, and the wicked man calls her sister, yet shamelessly urges her to come and lie with him (2 Samuel 13:11). It was a cruel insult to her virtue to think he could persuade her to agree to such wickedness when he knew she had always been modest and upright. But people who live in uncleanness often think others are like themselves, or at least easy targets for their own desires.

The devil, working as a strong tempter, shuts out every reason she gives to make him stop. We can easily imagine how shocked and afraid the young woman was when she was attacked this way, how she blushed and trembled. Yet in that confusion, nothing could have been said more wisely or more strongly than what she said to him. She calls him brother, reminding him of their close family bond, which made it wrong for him to marry her, much less defile her. This was clearly forbidden (Leviticus 18:9) and carried a serious penalty (Leviticus 20:17). We must be careful that the love that should exist among relatives does not turn into lust.

She pleads with him not to force her, which shows she would never agree to this in any way. What joy could he find in violence? She also lays out the great wickedness of what he wants. It is foolishness, and all sin is foolish, especially sexual sin. It is the worst kind of evil. Such shameful things should not be done in Israel, among God’s people, who have better laws than the nations around them. If we are Israelites and do such things, we are more guilty than others, and our judgment will be more severe, because we dishonor the Lord and the worthy name by which we are called.

She also points out the shame of it, which might move him even more than the sin itself. “As for me, where can I hide my shame? Even if it stays secret, I will blush to think of it for the rest of my life. And if it ever becomes known, how could I ever face my friends again?” As for him, she says he would be “as one of the fools in Israel,” meaning he would be seen as a shameless, wicked man, the worst sort of person. He would lose the respect of all wise and good people and become unfit to rule, even though he was the firstborn, because Israel would never accept such a fool as their leader. The thought of shame, especially lasting shame, should keep us from sin.

To turn him from his evil plan at that moment, and if possible to get away from him, she hints that perhaps the king, rather than let him die of passion for her, would set aside the divine law and let him marry her. She does not mean that the king had such authority, or would claim it. She means that if Amnon himself told the king of this wicked desire, which no one else would have believed, the king would surely take action to protect her from him. But all her efforts and all her arguments failed. His proud spirit could not bear refusal, and her comfort, honor, and everything dear to her had to be sacrificed to his brutal and wild lust (2 Samuel 13:14). It is likely that Amnon, though young, had already lived in a sinful way for some time, and his father either did not know it or did not punish it, because no one suddenly reaches such depths of wickedness. But was this his love for Tamar? Is this how he repays her for caring for him in his illness? Will he treat his sister like a prostitute? What a shameful villain. God deliver all modest and virtuous people from such wicked and unreasonable men.

The devil then turns, as a tormentor and betrayer, and changes his love for her into hatred (2 Samuel 13:15). He hated her with a great hatred, and his rage became as wild as his lust had been. He drove her out by force. Worse still, as if he now despised touching her with his own hands, he ordered his servant to throw her out and bolt the door after her (2 Samuel 13:17). The innocent woman had good reason to feel this as a deep insult, and in some ways, as she says, even worse than what had happened before (2 Samuel 13:16). Nothing could have been more cruel, more heartless, or more shaming to her. If he had tried to hide what he had done, her honor would have been lost only to herself. If he had fallen on his knees and begged her pardon, that would at least have been some repair. If he had given her time to recover from the shock, she might have kept her dignity as she left and so kept the matter quiet. But to send her away in such haste and with such roughness, as if she had done something wrong, forced her to speak out in her own defense and make the wrong known.

From this we can learn both how evil sin is and how harmful its results are. Uncontrolled passions are as bad as uncontrolled appetite. In the end, sin bites like a serpent. We see that sins, which feel sweet while being committed, afterward become hateful and painful, and the sinner’s own conscience makes them so. Amnon hated Tamar because she would not agree to his wickedness and share the blame with him, but instead kept resisting and reasoning against him, leaving all the guilt on him. If he had hated the sin and loathed himself for it, we might have hoped he was truly sorry. Godly sorrow produces indignation (2 Corinthians 7:11). But hating the person he had abused showed that his conscience was terrified, yet his heart was not humbled. See how deceptive fleshly pleasures are, how quickly they pass and turn into disgust (Ezekiel 23:17).

We also see that sins, hidden when committed, often become public later, and sinners themselves often make that happen. Their own tongues betray them. The Jewish teachers said that because of Amnon’s wicked act, a law was made that a young man and a young woman should never be left alone together. They said, if the king’s daughter could be treated this way, what would become of the daughters of ordinary people?

We must now leave the guilty man to the fear of his own guilty conscience, and ask what became of the poor victim. Tamar bitterly mourned the harm done to her, because it stained her honor, even though it did not stain her virtue. She tore her fine clothes as a sign of grief and put ashes on her head to make herself look ruined. In this way, she showed how much she hated what had happened to her, and she kept crying because of another person’s sin (2 Samuel 13:19).

Then she went to live in her brother Absalom’s house, since he was her own brother. There she stayed in loneliness and sorrow, showing her modesty and her deep hatred of sexual sin. Absalom spoke gently to her and told her to put the injury out of mind for the time being, while he planned to take revenge himself (2 Samuel 13:20). His question, “Has Amnon been with you?” suggests that Amnon was known for shameful behavior, so that it was unsafe for a modest woman to be alone with him. Absalom may have known this, while Tamar knew nothing about it.